Monday, October 24, 2011

The Feminine: Updated

Dear Readers,

   I have posted an update to "The Feminine" section of my blog. This section and this post in particular, is for those women (and men if any) that are looking for something more genuine, real, and candid. This post, Lessons Learned, is for the honest woman in search of wholeness in life and love and self; who are not afraid to examine and test themselves further pushing for an ever-better-you. 

So read if you wish, and if not, so be it.

Thanks for reading,
 N. Jane Allio

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

A Young Wife's Tale

By N. Jane Allio


In the stillness of the morning sun
Your hands reach around my waist
Pull me close into your heart
The warmth of your body envelopes me
Your Ora permeates mine and they combine

Eyes squeezed shut
Heads held close
Tangled in this moment
We cannot hold

And then life hits like a ton of bricks

Taken for granted
Tainted and scattered
Clutching so tight
I wont let it breathe

Confusion and pain
Anger again-
Playing the blaming game
I give in to my insecurity
Loose my grip on reality

Weaknesses I fail to see
Coming from inside me
Ugly and Crude
I'm rude to you-
My words are arrows
Perfectly aimed for injury

Your patient silence screams in my heart
Wanting to let go of the old
Afraid of the new
I wont let me trust you
My stubborn pride

I take to the sea -
Allow my fears to wash over me
Realized disdained
Renounce the ill and somehow reconcile my will

Your eyes have never left me
Watching and waiting quietly
No hint of reproof
Photo contribution by N.Allio
Wisdom in full -
You knowing how I bloom
Oh the lessons I learn with you

You remain steadfast and pure
Trusting me when I wont trust you
Leading me in love and truth
While I mitigate my youth

Love is not an object to attain
Nor is it a losing game
It is the holy arch between us two
Reminding me I can start anew.


Monday, October 3, 2011

Ode of the Epoch

by N. Jane Allio

Pound Pound Pound each foot as it hits the ground ....
Thump Thump Thump the heart recirculates the blood ....
Swoosh Swoosh Swoosh the air bursts of  the lungs ....
Tap Tap Tap so many noises bend to distract ....
Tick Tick Tock goes the clock around a watch ....


And this is the game we play
each day hoping to find our way

through the streets of life
against the talk of time.

Think Think Think those around hear the silent weep ....
Scream Scream Scream we tell our children that it is just a dream ....
Dazed Dazed  Dazed alive but with our eyes glazed ....
Knock Knock Knock we bar the door of the brain ....
Pray Pray Pray to keep the fey of hell away ....

And this is the game we play
merrily about our days

keeping all within the rhyme
benighted until the end obtained.

Tsk Tsk Tsk we say and creativity is led astray ....
Shush Shush Shushed the little ones run a muck ....
Whip Whip Wack as not to keep them off track ....
Flick Flick Fling one of them has caught a gleam ....
Himm Himm Humm the vibration has just begun ....
Zip Zip Zap the whole world heard the crack ....

And this is the game we play
hearts shattered in array

in the name of love we pledge
to never change save in death.

Pluck Pluck Pluck the strings of the heart have opened up ....
Meany Miney Moe I must follow the flow ....
Mimicking Mimicking Mock the burst of light from the top  ....
Flittering Flittering Float its time to laugh at the goat ....
Splittery Splittery Splat watch the pride 'round the back ....

And this is the game we play
for those that found the watery way

down the Nile of the grind
effectuate the epoch of the eye.





Friday, September 23, 2011

The Art of Loving Me

by N. Jane Allio
Photo contribution by Alana Saporiti

     You know those days that seem to get you down? I mean really down. They take the wind out of your sails and the sun out of the sky and everything turns into a very big deal very quickly? From this state of mind it gets easier to get angry and frustrated - the red cloud takes over and the fire burns wildly in your eyes hungry for fuel to fan your flame. So consumed things begin to slip from view.
     This week I found myself having wallowed in such a state for days - or to be quite honest a few weeks. There were so many reasons I gave myself to why I was 'justified' in my state and why I 'deserved' to feel this way and everyone in close contact with me could suffer too. However, there was something that wasn't settling right. If I was truly justified in my self pity, then why were things just getting worse? 
     Then Tuesday morning I read a story about this overweight woman in Over-eaters Anonymous who couldn't get a hold of her disorder, no matter how many meetings or support groups she went to she couldn't give up gorging. Then one day she went to an OA conference where the speaker challenged the audience with these words, "If not now, when?" The words were like dynamite to the dam of pent up 'stuff' within me and they began to overwhelmingly flood my mind and I gave each a voice and listened. After taking time to hear each one, I began to realize I was the common denominator! I was the one hanging on to past hurts and frustrations. I was the one beating myself up over little things, not cutting myself the slack I so easily cut others, I was the one not listening to me, and I was the one angry with myself. When was I going to stop holding on to these ways? When was I going to start changing? When was I going to acknowledge I am an emotional human and accept each emotion? When was I going to stop denying myself happiness? When was I going to start to live each day fully? When was I going to start loving and accepting all of me? Tomorrow? In a few weeks? It had already been a few and I was miserable. No, I was going to do it now. 
     I decided to take the day off from troubles, worries, frustrations, anger, bitterness, and self-degenerative behaviors, and spend it instead meditating, listening to and following my intuition and inner guide, doing the things I truly desired to do - if not now, when? So I took a walk around the waterfront, reflected, wrote, read, went to a coffee shop, the library, and had a wonderful day. I stopped holding onto the past and trying to re-live it. The past is gone, all we have is this moment to do and be who we are but we must find the courage to live presently without fear. 
     My journey is not over - I have many more exciting lessons to learn, but I know this is the blooming of a beautiful loving friendship with only person that truly has the power to change my life now. Me.