By N. Jane Allio
I've come to the board today without any agenda. Only to write what comes into my head.
I have not been posting my writing on my blog much, which is not unlike-me. In fact, I have barely post on my blog since I started it this past summer.
So I ask myself, why? Well now that I think on it, because I often succumb to a few different defeatist thoughts which inhibit my creative mojo...
Defeatist thought #1: "This piece is not good enough for others to read."
This is my number one stumbling block about 80% of the time. I am extremely critical of myself, at times to an un-healthy extent. However, I am working to try and knock this thought out of the brain park for good. So from now on if I write it - I am to posting it. Starting with this piece then moving onto the plethora of back-logged half written pieces and when the fancy strikes to write, as it most often does, just doing it. No more excuses. No more hesitation. Finally unveiling that which lies beneath the skin for me and anyone else who wishes to read.
Defeatist thought #2: "No one actually reads my blog besides some lonely Alaskan shrouded in the darkness of winter" -- hah!
I can't think of a better pep-talk for myself other than a quote from Field of Dreams, "If you build it, they will come." alright lady, if you write it (and post it!), they will read it. To whoever is reading in Alaska ~ shouts out homie! Thanks for reading!
Defeatist thought #3: "I am scared to write what is really is on my mind for fear of criticism and rejection by people."
In the past few years I have challenged myself and most of the beliefs I used to, and in some cases still do, hold. I find that I am ever questioning and changing. For so long I thought I was supposed to be this and supposed to do that because of this reason or that, etc. Well no more I say! I have had enough of the games. So get this cyber space, if you don't like what I'm saying you don't have to read my blog... I don't care if you're the Pope.
I am not out to change people’s minds or to give some sort of affirmation to any one belief. I am here to be me. I cannot do that whilst hiding behind fear of rejection.
So with that said I am going to swallow this lump of fear building in the back of my throat and "share" this on my social network page. To be quite plain with myself, if I don't promote me who the heck will?
Defeatist thought #4: "This is never going to lead anywhere."
As I think to myself sitting here drinking my morning tea, "Does it have to go somewhere?" ...It already brought me to the coffee shop, Hey-O! I digress... When I write, I write for myself, which is one of the reasons I have such difficulty sharing with others what finally flows from the brain down the neck to the shoulders and through the arms to the tips of the fingers and finally onto little black and white keys that make little black and white words in a big world that is anything but black and white.
Of course I want to be successful, but that definition of success should not be tied to this blog. Writing is my outlet it has been ever since I knew how to write. Rather, I will now attempt to re-shape my idea of success to time-management. If I manage my time well, slotting out time blocks for specific projects and do not procrastinate, I know I will feel I am successfully using my time to the fullest. Especially if I actually post what I am writing instead of hording it for my eyes only!!
As it stands I am on a little mission for myself. I have set some personal goals to work toward. Every time I find myself facing one of these defeatist thoughts, I am going to pull this back up and remind myself, I have the power to pull away the shades and let the beautiful sunny rays shine into the darkness. It is up to me where my mind takes me and where my feet go, there is no one telling me what to do or where to go but me. So, I am putting on the captain’s hat, taking the helm, and plunging into the abyss with all my passion behind me.
If I am the only one who has gained something from this post I will consider it a success.
Seeing as I have already learned so much through the processes of creation, I will consider success complete once I post this for the eyes of the world to read as they will and fulfilling the on-going goals which I have set for myself.
And so begins a new epoch on which to embark.
Until tomorrow, thank you all for reading!